There is but one life

So, it has been over a half a year since I last posted. Many things have occurred, many changes taken place, tears shed, laughter shared, happiness and sorrow...life has occurred.

My life is not the same as it was then. My life is still my life. The same life. Different, yet same. And in seven months that will still be true, whether I participate fully or simply "let time go by."

So, a new blog title, new blog picture, new focus.

There is but one life, and what we do with it is greatly up to us. I am fortunate in that I have freedom and choice -- I can in large part decide how that life passes. Not all of the human race can say the same.

So, at this time, and for this passage, this is a choice I have made.

Writing is a skill and art I believe I have a modicum of talent in.  It is something I enjoy doing and experiencing. I have no formal training (beyond regular college courses),  and just a smidgen of work experience with it. But I would  like to be much better.

One blog I read, Junebug on a String, the author who by the way inspires me like crazy, had this post, a life lived in hours,  about how if you want to be a master at something, it takes 10 thousand hours of doing it to get there. She talks about how 10 thousand hours will pass -- whether you spend them at what you love doing or not.  She has taken this idea and created a simply beautiful and terribly creative......program, lifestyle, method......I'm not sure exactly how to label what she has done, but regardless, her idea in a nutshell is this: find something you want to be a master at and deliberately and intentionally spend time each day on  it, record it -- on a blog, in a journal, wherever, and share it with others. (including her).

So, this was my inspiration for the change in the blog, for the idea that maybe I could be really good at writing. And that was the thought that was banging around in my head for a week or or more -- no action yet -- just brewing -- and then my spiritual 2 x 4 in flesh sends me a text that says she knows that I write, that I have something worth saying -- what is it that I am going to write?

Mind you, I haven't breathed a word of these thoughts of mine to anyone! Fine, fine, fine -- I hear you!!!!!

So, here is my plan: I will spend time writing each day -- not necessarily here, but much more often (I have seriously cut back on my computer time since Lent, and honestly, I think it has been one of the more healthy choices I've made over the last few months). What I will write about is not limited, but will probably fall into these broad categories: faith, my spiritual life, my family life, nature, silliness.

Today totally counts.

Rainy Tuesday

Today is raining -- again. It's Tuesday -- duh, again. Trying real hard to not let it be a not so good day.  Thinking good thoughts, praying good prayers -- prayers that don't ask so much for my own peace and serenity, but that I might be used to bring those things to others.  To be the hands and feet.  and face.

this i pray.

a blink of an eye

Living means that at some point you learn that lives can change, irrevocably, forever, never to be the same, in the blink of an eye. 


The life you knew is gone. 


Usually these moments are momentous: a sudden death of a loved one; the prognosis of a terrible illness; news of life changing portent.


But sometimes these blinks are not as obviously momentous. 


Your life can change just as radically though.

Tuesdays

I hate Tuesdays.

Three weeks from anywhere....a geographical oddity, heh?

Three weeks into a new life....

They say that it takes three weeks to a make habit a habit.

Three weeks to break a habit, as well.

It evidently takes more than three weeks to make a new life feel right. To find the ebb and flow where you can breathe.

I have had at least one child in my daily life for more than 27 years; I guess it's okay that it is taking more than 3 weeks to get to my new destination. A destination where a child doesn't factor, somehow, into my daily life. Wherever, however that destination may look.

I am lonely.

I am trying really hard to keep busy.

I hurt my back.

I have wonderful friends.

I miss my daughter terribly.

I hate housework (translation -- the cleaning like a fiend manner of dealing does not hit me, damnitalltohell).

The rain has returned -- at least for a good bit of today. Supposed to be gone tomorrow and Sunday, and then will be back on Monday.

I go back to work on Monday. Good thing.

The hot, nasty breath of depression is chasing me like the hound from hell.

It's gaining, folks.

The thing is, even if I could get somewhere in three weeks, I have not a clue as to the destination I would like to arrive at.

I'll try to start with that....

....but no promises.

Life transitions

Just got home from Savannah -- left my girl there.

From valorie-knitter-with-an-o

She's going to one awesome art school that is tailor made for her and her talents and nature and learning style.


She has the opportunity to thrive in a beautiful, diverse, yet comfortingly southern city.


She is adjusting to being away and living with a roommate she just met the day of move in.


She is doing great.


Me...not so much.


Huge life moment. Lots and lots and lots of memories. She was a baby just the other day, wearing her daddy's tie and my high heels.


She was "too little to ride the school bus.


She just came and told me "Mommy, I don't want you to freak out....,(freak out start in progress......but I just started my period." freak out aborted.... inward sigh and giggle.

We watch Food TVafter school and take a nap in the late afternoon sun.

We talk when she gets home late at night when her daddy is already in bed.

I know she is not gone forever. 

I KNOW that it's only a short nine weeks before she's home again. 

I KNOW she's not *that* far away. 

I KNOW that I haven't lost my little girl. I KNOW!!!!

But, our lives have changed, we have come to a transition time of our lives, and while that IS A GOOD THING, it is a different thing and my heart hurts. 

Because what was will never be again. 

What will be has all the possibilities, potential and wonder of the new. What was was wonderful, blessed, cherished (even in the less than stellar times) and unique. And will not be again. That is what I am feeling the loss of.  

It hurts really, really, really, really bad.

What I KNOW and what I FEEL are not compatible at all.

Mommys & Daddys, those babies grow up really, really, really fast. Hug your girls for me, please. Kiss them as they sleep every chance you get.

I'll be okay, I promise. I know who holds me and Nat.

I will be fine.

But not just yet.

Right now I just want my baby home with me.

Random thoughts

One of the best things I was taught about studying the bible is that it answers not "how?" but "why."

Also, that the subject matter is NOT humanity, but GOD!

Along those lines, I was thinking this morning: the purpose of the various and often disparate stories in the bible is not necessarily to teach us the nature of humanity -- be it good or bad. While it must do just this -- having been written by human hands and colored by their world and world views - if this were their only purpose, it would be just another group of stories.

But so many that I know believe this is the main purpose of the bible, even if they don't realize it. They think the bible is supposed to show us the "right" way to be and live. And while this can (and maybe even should) be a result of living a life influenced by the bible -- I don't believe that we will ever be the same people as the original authors of the bible, nor should we strive simply to mimic them. Therefore, I don't believe the bible's ultimate purpose is simply to show us how to live.

I can tell you a story about myself and those who live around me -- what their lives look like, what they do and how they act. I can label those actions that benefit my society at large, those actions that are considered selfish, what it takes to live a life of contentment where I live, what those people do that my part of society doesn't much care for -- and you will know something about my part of the world.

That does not mean you will know a single thing about the people that live 2000 miles away from me -- or anything at all about their world. Or more importantly, what is right and good in their lives. In my story, I may or may not have given those people anything truly TRUE. I might have --but then again, I might not.

But if I tell you a story of how GOD has worked in my life and in the lives of those who live around me, what God means and how God influences our lives -- the people who live 2000 miles away will definitely learn something. And vice versa. The TRUTH of who God is, how God works, what God promises -- now, that is something that all can be given regardless time, space, world view.

That is what I believe the bible gives us. An unchanging, unified picture of God.

That is how and why I read the bible -- to learn about God. Period.

All the rest that happens because I read the bible is secondary benefit. Just like the story of Esther.

A post for another day.